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Does this site look a little
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Teen Help Guide No, this isn't one of those sappy lists where there's a list of drugs you should take to make the bad dark thoughts go away, or suicide hotlines you can call. Who does that anyway? Not saying hotlines are bad or anything, but I personally suck at phone conversations, even with people I really like talking to. Calling a complete stranger to talk about my hypothetical suicidal tendencies just isn't going to happen. So, in that spirit, I've created a teen help guide for teen problems. This is a list of things that I, as a real live teenager, find helpful when I'm feeling depressed, angsty, or just generally "meh". That's not to say adults can't be helpful in getting to the root of what's bothering you, because they can. Goodness knows my parents have cheered me up time and again when I was feeling low. But sometimes adults can forget, or just never knew in the first place, what it's like to be new in the world. To be caught in that damnable limbo between childhood and adulthood, when life demands so much perfection and preparedness of you, and you've just barely learnt how to do your own laundry, much less ready yourself for a tough and unpredictable future. And, hey, sometimes you're just PMSing, or have to much homework, or have more liters of Mountain Dew in your system than hours of sleep under your belt. Sometimes you just want to yell at something. This is where I try to cover it all, though granted since I don't actually drink Mountain Dew--ever--so I might be a little sketchy on that subject. Also, please feel free to send in your own suggestions. There's no reason why I should be the only one offering my opinion here. E-mail me and tell me what *you* think. Yeah, you, with the face. For legal reasons I would like to stress that I am NOT a professional in any way, shape, or form. I have had absolutely NO formal training of any kind, on any subject, especially not when it comes to the human brain. I am, however, an actual real live human being, and as such feel I have a pretty good grip on what the human brain feels like when inside my skull. It produces all these shiny things called thoughts that I like having occasionally, and it makes my fingers move around so I can share these thoughts with other real live human beings who, as far as I can tell, have brains inside their skulls too. Seriously, though, everything on this page is a personal observation, drawn from personal experiences. You should totally listen to me because I'm a highly intelligent girl, but if something I say on this page conflicts with how you think, or seems really crazy to you, or just flat out doesn't work for you at all, try to keep that word: PERSONAL, in mind. And don't sue me or anything, because that's just rude. Thank you kindly. =) Enjoy! I hope this guide is helpful to someone, even if it's only in a very small way.
This is a touchy subject, especially for teenagers. At our age, with more years ahead than behind, a rejection can seem like the end of the world. Usually, though, it's not nearly as bad as we imagine it is. But when you're stressing over rejection or just general embarrassment, it can be tough to remember that. Here are a few of my thoughts on how to deal with it--and to actually deal, not just grit your teeth and try not to feel anything in the face of serious embarrassment or distress. First off, here's a short MP3 file on the subject of rejection, from the very smart folks over at NOVAScienceNOW. (That's a show that airs on PBS, by the way, here is the official site.) You don't even have to download the file onto your computer, or have an iPod, just click the "Play" button on the website and it will play you the short 2:53 minute article. This article outlines exactly what rejection is, and why it would actually be impossible to live your life without it. If that's not enough, try to remember that even if everything goes completely South, it's unlikely that you'll ever encounter a situation with absolutely no redeeming values, especially at such a young age. If you're asking someone out, the worst thing that can happen is that they'll turn you down. OK, maybe they'll turn you down in front of all their friends and generally try to embarrass you. (If this happens, I urge you to pause and consider why you wanted to go out with this person again, since they obviously have so little respect for their fellow humans?) Even if the absolutely totally worst thing ever happens, and you're embarrassed and horribly depressed...your heart will still beat. Your lungs will still draw breath. You will live. You'll get through it. Seriously. I have gone through some of the most embarrassing stuff with nothing more but that conviction and a deep breath to my name. And I've come out well every time. And hey, another upside--using the "asking a date" example again, though really this can be applied to anything, I know teens do more than date--once it's over with, you'll finally be free of that awful "will they/won't they" stress. You'll know the outcome, have dealt with the situation. You'll be able to move on. Another thing that teens (and other age groups) get told a lot is that "If you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything. Don't listen to anybody else, just follow your heart and you'll be fine. The opinions of others don't matter." It's unfortunate that we get this message pounded into our brains at such a young age, because while it is true...it comes with several rather large caveats that "They" never really bother to explain. Which is sad, because it's actually not a bad concept once you get past all the sugarcoating. If you're like me, you're usually a bit too busy just trying
to keep up with your rapidly changing life to really sit down and contemplate
phrases like the one I've just described. You just kind of accept it and go on
with your daily routine. It was
given to you at a young age and you've never really had the chance to question
it very deeply. (If you have: major points to you, you're a heck of a lot
smarter than me) So you don't realize until it's a bit late that this phrase
builds this false impression that we're not supposed to feel anything
when we encounter embarrassment, shame, or rejection at the hands of strangers.
But that isn't true at all. If someone looks at something I worked hard to
create, and makes fun of it, or looks at me and calls me a conceited,
egotistical bitch with a heart of ice (and yes, I've been called that), that hurts.
Even if it comes from a stranger, someone who's opinion I don't really value
that much anyway. For a long time, I assumed that the fact that I felt that way
meant I was weak. Surely I must be a completely inadequate person if I was
unable to accomplish the seemingly simple task of believing in myself and not
letting anyone get me down. These weren't even people I knew, or who knew me. I
should have just been able to brush off their remarks without any problem,
without any feeling, especially since logic told me that their opinion didn't
matter anyway. They didn't matter. They were just hateful cowards who had
nothing better to do with their time than twist every word I typed and attack me
every way they could. But no matter how much sense not feeling anything made--it didn't work. Maybe I was too young or something, but I felt horrible. Repeated encounters with hateful people online just drove me further and further and further into my tiny circle of friends, websites I regularly visited, etc. I never wanted to try or learn anything new or exciting because in the back of my head, those strangers were still there, provoking my inner shame. If any of this sounds even vaguely familiar to you, then you have my complete sympathy. I won't relate the entire sad tale of my life here, but let's just say that this process continued for many years, and I understand completely how awful it is. But then one day, a long time friend did something rather nasty and unfair to me. At first all I felt was this shaky sort of anger, but as the whole business set into my mind I felt really used, abused, and utterly stupid. A couple words of criticism from my parents on a completely unrelated subject and I was off. For some reason the logical part of my brain couldn't figure out, I was suddenly huddled on my bed crying and cursing the day I'd ever met said "friend". And then a few days after that, it slowly began to dawn on me that the reason I'd been so hurt was because that friend and I had a fair deal of history, and that's why it was so upsetting. (I know that sounds kind of stupid and obvious, but I honestly didn't know that consciously) And then shortly after that, it dawned on me that it's OK to feel hurt. That perky little phrase "believe in yourself, don't let anybody get you down", doesn't refer to the moment when the "getting down" occurs--it comes afterwards, when the swirl of emotions is over and you're able to think clearly. It's then that you make the vital choice: Do I fall prey to my sorrow, my anger, my shame, or do I take a deep breath and keep pressing forward, and keep pressing forward, because I know what I'm doing is right? The obvious choice is the latter, though don't be fooled--it can take a long time to get to the point where you're able to do that. Just because something is simple doesn't mean it's easy. In some cases, it's taken me months to recover from something someone's said and continue to do what I know is right for me. In some cases, I still haven't recovered, and in yet more cases, I may never recover. Though hopefully there won't be many of those. Because the true shame is when you allow someone who is hateful and twisted on the inside to derail you from what really matters: You. Yes, you, with the face. With the dreams, the ideas, and the goals. You shouldn't feel bad because you can't just instantly brush aside something as potentially hurtful as rejection, or mockery. You should recognize that these things hurt, even if they come from somebody we don't know. Take this advice from someone who has tunneled down her life to the point where it almost didn't exist anymore. I know what I'm talking about, and I know it's so much easier to just let things ride out and don't try to fight them too much. In Short:
That's all I've got for now. It takes me awhile to write these things, come up with ideas, and just generally do all the thinking that goes into this guide. So bear with me, it won't be long before this list is long, fleshed out, and much better organized. (And you thought I was going to make you scroll for ever and ever down the same page. ^_~ Silly!) I hope what I've written here already has given you something to think about, or at the very least has been entertaining. Please, feel free to Email me with ideas, feedback, comments, random grievances against UFOs...whatever strikes your fancy. I love hearing from people who visit my site. - A
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