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Rant Rolodex
Entry #: 14
Subject: Suicidal People on the Internet
Date Written: April 27th, 2003
Anger Level: 9/10
Coherency Level: 7/10
Inspiration: Many years of roleplaying within the Wolf Roleplaying
Community, and suffering through countless SAPs.
***
I dislike people who rant
about how much their lives suck all the time. "Oh, look at me,
I'm so pathetic, I'm such a sinner, I'm evil, I'm bad, my mother hates
me, my father hits me, I'm so fat and ugly, I want to crawl away, why
don't I just kill myself and end it all?" And the thing is,
they think they've got the right to do it publicly, too. I mean, in
journals and stuff like this one is OK. Goodness knows I rant enough
about MY life in places others can read about it. But when it comes into
places like message boards, or chatrooms, it really just sucks. I'm not
there to hear about other people's lives and, quite frankly, if you feel
that way - why don't you just kill yourself already and spare us the
trouble? I think suicide is stupid, yes. But if you're going to be an
asshole to other people and take out your anger on folks who didn't do
ANYTHING to deserve it at all, then post a big huge rant about how you
want to kill yourself and then, after all that shouting and screaming
and hatred aimed at people who didn't even DO anything, expect us to PITY
them. Pity them for what? For being a total asshole? For being so rude a
lot of people think you DESERVE to die and would personally love
to HELP you with that endeavor? I think not!
Small Things Suicidal Asshole People Complain About to Those Whom
Don't Deserve It:
(Even though the list is really endless)
1. Responding to an RP post a bit late.
"Oh, you took three days instead of the pre-ordained two--you
must hate me! DIE YOU [insert offensive naming of choice here]!! I HATE
YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU! Except you and you, because you pitied me at
some point months and months ago; never mind that you don't remember
me/have never spoken to me besides that one point..."
2. Commenting on something the Suicidal Asshole Person (or
"SAP" for short) has done in a non-excessively complimenting
way. (Anyone with half a brain realize that this is simply CONSTRUCTIVE
CRITICISM, but of course, the SAP only sees it as insults. Heaven
forbid they could remember the age-old rule of "Don't ask the
question if you don't want the answer, fool")
"Oh, you're all so MEAN! You all HATE me! I KNEW I was right. I
KNEW I was wrong to think any of you loved me! *dramatic sob* You all
want me to DIE! Don't you? Of course you do, I'm such filth, why
wouldn't anyone want me dead? Haha. Your work isn't so great EITHER, you
[insert offensive naming of choice here]! You're all just the SAME! Oh,
woe is me! What have I done to deserve such cruelty???
3. Showing pictures of yourself when you are better looking than
the SAP in question.
"Ur so uuugleee!! Get ur uglee fat mutha*bleep* face off my
skreeeen!
4. Or, in Person A's case, simply wearing an offensive outfit and
not being a stick-figure by nature. Whether the person who accused her
of this is a SAP or not remains to be seen, however from what I gather
they far exceed the standards necessary to earn the title of RAP, which
is short for "Regular Asshole Person".
5. Typos. SAPs especially love these when they come up in rants
against them.
"Oh hahha! U think ur soooo smart! Lookit, u mis-spelled my nmae --
2CE!!!
(Never mind the fact that they wouldn't know a dictionary if it came
and hit them violently across the head.)
And even, after all that--after they've dragged us down the garbage
disposal and back again for trivial things when we were all willing to
give them a chance, a hug and a good luck wish--they still expect us to
patiently listen to their tirade and pity them at the end of the day.
"Oh, poor SAP, your life just didn't turn out the way it should
have, don't listen to your parents, you're a wonderful person and
deserve to live..."
Me, I'm tired of sugarcoating stuff. I now have a new policy: if your
life equals shit, well guess what! It ain't my problem. It's YOUR
problem. And it will cease to BE a problem the instant you pick yourself
up and do something instead of moaning and groaning about suicide or
cutting or whatever other crappy form of escapisim you're supporting
this week.
Now. If ONLY I could say this PUBLICLY, I would feel a helluva lot
better...but noooo, if I do THAT then I'm hailed as an offensive
ogre who should shove her too-expressive head up her ass because nobody
else likes her opinion. Because, after all, we should love and support
those who are inferior to us. For the Greater Good, whatever that is.
Funny how I'm never a part of it...
P.S. Oh, yeah, and it might help if you suicidal folks didn't
ingest pure crap all the time. Because I can honestly tell you that 95%
of all my self-destructive urges went away when I stopped shoving
sandwiches, pasta and junk food crap down my gullet. Oh, but wait, then
the drug stores wouldn't be able to sell you anti-depressants and other
nice medications that make you puke or see double but HEY! YOU'RE NOT
DEPRESSED AS MUCH ANYMORE! Hallelujah! It's a frickin' miracle.
***
IMPORTANT NOTE: Please remember that Suicidal Asshole People are
NOT to be confused with regular Losers, Morons, or Ewbies. They are
often a combination of all three, but instead of talking about how
"dis chat wuz suu much fun til, lyk, u cmae alung", or
expressing how little they know about the world around them--"How
do I turn the volume up on my TV again?"--or making fun of
themselves while everyone works their ASSES OFF FOR THEM, Suicidal
Asshole People prefer to talk about bodily harm, how much they hate
themselves, and, of course, suicide. While it is often difficult to tell
these sub-species apart, the differences become clearer (and eventually
painfully obvious; emphasis on PAINFULLY) over time.
Thank you and have a nice day. :) |